Sunday, February 12, 2006

[Humor] Progressive HR Policies

Dear Staff,

Please be advised that there are NEW rules and regulations implemented to raise the efficiency of our firm.

Transportation
It is advised that you come to work driving a car according to your salary. If we see you driving a Honda, we assume you are doing well financially and therefore you do not need a raise.

If you drive a 10 year old car or taking public transportation, we assume you must have lots of savings therefore you do not need a raise.

If you drive a Pickup, you are right where you need to be and therefore you do not need a raise.

Annual Leave
Each employee will receive 52 Annual Leave days a year (Wooow!).
They are called Sunday.

LUNCH BREAK
Skinny people get 30 minutes for lunch as they need to eat more so that they can look healthy.
Normal size people get 15 minutes for lunch to get a balanced meal to maintain their average figure.
Fat people get 5 minutes for lunch, because that's all the time needed to drink a Slim Fast and take a diet pill.

SICK DAYS
We will no longer accept a doctor Medical Cert as proof of sickness. If you are able to go to the doctor, you are able to come to work.

TOILET USE
Entirely too much time is being spent in the toilets.

There is now a strict 3-minute time limit in the cubicles. At the end of three minutes, an alarm will sound, the toilet paper roll will retract, the door will open and a picture will be taken. After your second offence, your picture will be posted on the company bulletin board under the "Chronic Offenders" category. Subsequent pictures will be sold at public auctions to raise money to pay your salary.

SURGERY
As long as you are an employee here, you need all your organs. You should not consider removing anything. We hired you intact. To have something removed constitutes a breach of employment.

Internet Usage
All personal internet usage will be recorded and charges will be deducted from your bonus (if any) and if we decide not to give you any,charges will be deducted from your salary. (note: Rs.20 per minute as we have leased line connection).
Just for the record. 73% of the staff will not be entitled to any salary for the next 3 months as their internet charges have exceeded their 3 months salary.


Thank you for your loyalty to our company. We are here to provide a positive employment experience.

Therefore, all questions, comments, concerns, complaints, frustrations, irritations, aggravations, insinuations, allegations, accusations, contemplation, consternation and input should be directed elsewhere.

Have a nice day.


Thanks & Regards,
Manager, HR

Friday, February 3, 2006

Female Software Professionals

Received this 'source code' from a friend. Found quite interesting. Just reproducing here in good humor. No offences. No gender biases. Just a positively humorous entry.


class Indian_Bachelor_female_professional
{
double styles;
short skirts;
long time_to_understand_problems;
float mind;
void knowledge();
char non_co_operative;
};

class Married_female_Software_Professional {
double weight;
short tempered;
long gossips;
float hopes;
void work();
char unstable;
};

class Female_Engaged_software_professional {
double time_on_phone;
short attention_on_work;
long boast;
float on_cloud_nine;
void understanding();
char edgy;
};

class Newly_Married_software_professional {
double dinner_invitations;
short time_at_work;
long lunch_breaks;
float talks;
void bank_balance();
char hen_pecked;
};

class husband_wife_software_professional {
double income;
short temper;
long time_no_see;
float new_software_company;
void love_life();
char money_minded;
};

Working too long in the same Company

What type r u ;)
[Received in an email]

[Humor]Acronyms and Abbreviations

New meaning to the names of a few IT companies:

No hard feelings. Just a positively humorous attempt!
  • AT&T : All Troubles & Terrible
  • BAAN : Beggars Association and Nerds
  • BFL : Brainwash First and Let them go
  • C-DOT : Coffee During Office Timings
  • CMC : Coffee, Meals and Comfort
  • DEC : Drifting & Exhausted Computers
  • DELL : Deplorable Equipment & lackluster
  • HCL : Hidden Costs & Losses
  • HUGHES : Highly Useless Graduates Hired for Eating and Sleeping
  • IBM : Implicitly Boring Machines
  • INFOSYS :Inferior Offline Systems
  • NIIT : Not Interested in IT
  • ORACLE : On-line Romance And Chatting with Lady Employees
  • PARAM : Puzzled And Ridiculous Array of Microprocessors
  • PATNI: Pathetic Appraisal Techniques, No Increments
  • PSI : Peculiar Symptoms of India
  • SATYAM : Sad And Tired Yelling Away Madly
  • TCS : Totally Confusing Solutions
  • TISL : Totally Inconsistent Systems Ltd
  • WIPRO : Weak Input, Poor & Rubbish Output

Can you create folders with these names?

Can you create folders in your Windows environment with these names:
  • Aux
  • Con
  • Nul

Do you why? May be 'reserved words'?!!!

Wednesday, February 1, 2006

Looking for info for Web Hosting

I am planning to have a domain for my blog. However, I have no experience of having a separate domain and getting it hosted. So, I would like to know how to proceed on that. I am in India, and would prefer a Company that accepts payment in Indian Rupees. Also, while selecting a company for hosting the sites, which facilities/features I should see e.g. sub-domains, email ids, storage etc. Also, what are the popular blog softwares required? Plz share your experiences.

A

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